Helpless

There is little I can do.  I keep going over it and over it in my head and the end result is the same.  It’s lung cancer, I cannot change that.  I cannot change that it has overpowered the body of this 41 year old mother of 3 young children, I cannot change that it is devastating to her loving husband and family, I cannot change that it is a force to be reckoned with.  I cannot.  I struggle with alternatives.  I struggle with helplessness.  I struggle with having the right words.  Someday there will be a cure, but that will not help this accomplished, strong, determined, young woman, young mother.  She will, sadly, not last that long.  I sit at her bedside and try to focus on what is good.  I try to focus on the positive attitude that consumes her.  I wonder how it is that someone going through what she is going through can be that strong.  I am not sure that I could be.  I have learned that the true character of people comes out when they are in a crisis such as this.  That is what end stage lung cancer is… a crisis.  There should be a national declaration to that end.  Where do we stand?  It’s not good.

Focusing on hope, focusing on health, focusing on cure… all noble goals.  Where do our patients go in the meantime? We stay in touch, they know we care. We keep them comfortable, we keep them aware, we do our best to keep them informed.

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